Ex-Factor

My mom saw one of my exes last week. She sees him around town every so often and will always tell me about it. I think she takes pleasure in the fact that he asks about me. I actually take pleasure in it too, I find it funny that he wants to know how I am. I mean if he would have treated me the way I was supposed to be treated he would know how I am, because we would still be together or at least be friends. The thing that I find interesting is that I no longer have any kind of feelings of animosity toward him. For a long time I wanted him to feel the kind of pain that he had inflicted on me. This was the man I thought I was going to marry and when he tossed me aside I went through the motions for real. I spent the better part of a year as an emotional wreck. I have never cried so much or felt so low as I did when he and I broke up. I have never felt a break-up as deeply or as badly as I felt that one. I guess all of my "break up" energy was spent on that one experience. I thought my world was ending and I wanted revenge. I wanted someone to break his heart and stomp on it. When I was talking to my mom last night I realized that I didn't have any of those feelings. I felt kind of bad for him and that was the extent of my feelings. I guess time heals all things. Well, time and the fact that I now have a fabulous man, I'm starting a new job and things are generally going well. Maybe it's not a feeling of forgiveness, but a feeling of contentment with my life that makes all other feelings pale in comparison? Maybe I have gotten my revenge in that I am happy? I don't know, but what ever it is it feels good.